Last night was the season finale of Parenthood on NBC. This season has been a long journey for Julia and Joel as they have worked to adopt a child. I've been waiting on pins and needles to see how their adoption experience goes and last night it culminated in a child for them. My husband and I watched the past two episodes last night and when it was over, I turned and said to him... I feel so lucky that we didn't go through that. I can't imagine what it would be like to hold the baby you've been waiting on, and then have the birth mother change her mind.
 |
| http://www.nbc.com/parenthood/exclusives/take-it/ |
But then with Logan... it was so much riskier. I was there, like Julia, in the delivery room. I saw Logan being born. I held her and sobbed, knowing this was my child. And I worried that C* would change her mind. On some level, I think it would have been ok if she had changed her mind. We wanted to be Logan's parents - but we also knew that we had Lorelai at home. If Lorelai's birth mother would have changed her mind, we would have gone home and still not been parents. If Logan's had done so, we would have gone home to Lorelai. And while we would have been incredibly sad and disappointed, we still had Lorelai. And I would have understood if she had changed her mind. With both birth mothers, I would have understood. I wouldn't have been angry with them. I know I wouldn't have. I would have been sad, but I would have supported their decision. And in the end, neither one changed their mind. We brought home Lorelai. And we brought Logan home to meet her big sister.
As I watched that episode last night, I just kept thinking about what our lives would be like without Lorelai or Logan. I can't imagine living in a house that is not constantly buzzing with their noise. I can't imagine not getting all the hugs and kisses, not having toys scattered everywhere, and not finding handprints on every glass surface in our home. I love every moment with them. And while it's just a TV show, I'm glad that Julia and Joel got their new son so they will now how wonderful it is to have two little ones running around their home. They're lucky, just like we are.
7 comments:
Boy, was that a surprise last night when the older kid got out of the van. The one thing that bothered me about last week's episode was how Julia began sobbing when she saw Zoe holding the baby in the nursery. I wanted to believe that the adoption would still happen even after Zoe held the baby, but alas, the show's producers pretty much brought to light the biggest fear every adoptive parent has going through the adoption process.
I was also in the room when our daughter was born, was the first person to hold her, and it would have been devastating to the leave without her in the end, but I never felt like because our daughter's bmom held her that that was going to change things. Anything could have changed things and I guess if holding her meant she wasn't ready to place her with us, then the adoption wasn't meant to be. I guess the thing that bothers me most with how things ended with the show was this is the stuff people that aren't actually going through adoption process see in the media, like family members, and then we get bombarded a million times over with, "What if the birthmom changes her mind???" Obviously it does a happen and a birthmom is *not* a birthmom until she places and they have *every* right to choose to parent and I wouldn't have blamed our daughter's birthmom one single bit for changing her mind, but I feel like when shows do stuff like this, it just paints adoption in a stereotypical bad light. I told my husband last night that someone that writes for the show must have fertility problems--between Joel and Julia and Sarah's issue with thinking she can't get pregnant at her age...
Great blog post, by the way. ;)
I know you and Jon consider yourselves lucky to have the girls, but I can also tell you that they are lucky to have such amazing, loving parents as you two. Whenever we come to visit, I leave knowing that my granddaughter is being loved and taken care of just as much as she would have been had C decided to keep her. I will always be grateful to you two for being there, not only for Logan, but also for C and for letting us continue to be part of her life.
ASP - I thought the same thing. C held little Logan a ton when we were in the hospital and it never entered my mind that she shouldn't or that that was a bad thing. And I totally agree about the adoption stereotypes. They really played in to so many of them. Most adoptive mothers want open adoptions - they want to see the child grow up and know about them at some level. I felt like Zoey's not wanting to see the child, etc. was a bit unrealistic. Thanks for sharing your story too!
Tracy - There is no doubt that we love those two little ones more than anything else in the world. And we love having all of you involved in our lives. I wish that show would have shown an arrangement like ours so that more people could see how awesome open adoption can be. :)
I agree. More shows need to focus on the good side of open adoption, and how it can benefit not only the child, but the birth families. I think if more young girls saw that side of it, they would be more willing to let their child go to a good family, rather than try to raise them by themselves, and sometimes with bad endings.
I know C would have been a good mom, but I also know she isn't ready for that constant responsibility, and by having the open adoption, she can see how happy Logan is, and feel good about her choice.
I don't watch parenthood so I don't know how it was portrayed on the show but I have gone through the heartbreak of a failed adoption. About 10 months before Jacob was born we were chosen by a birthfamily. We met the birthmom and the next day she delivered the baby 4 weeks early! We met our daughter the next day and named her Jordan Elizabeth. We spent a few hours at the hospital and on the way home stopped and bought clothes, car seat, stoller, bottles, and diapers. We told our family and our family told everyone. The next day the birthmom asked me to spend the night at the hopital with her. Jordan had some issues with feeding so the doctors were considering placing her in the NIC unit, which they finally did. Mark and I spent a week taking care of her and bonding with her in the hospital. At the end of that week the birthmom decided to parent. We were heartbroken. Saying goodbye to her was the hardest thing ever. We don't know why the birthmom changed her mind and we were never angry with her. We just hope and pray that Jordan has a good life. When we met Jacob's birthfamily we had an instant connection that we didn't have with Jordan's. We can sit and talk to them for hours, they are like family to us. We were though very cautious when Jacob was born. We didn't tell anyone except our immediate family that we had been matched and I didn't want to tell anyone for almost 2 weeks after he was home! His birthmom spent time with him at the hospital as did Jordan's. All i can say is that Jordan wasn't meant to be our baby and Jacob was. God does know what he's doing even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.
I had no idea about that Rosemary. I can't imagine having gone through that. But I think I would have handled it the same way that you did. It's funny how we all wind up with the "right" kids. :)
Post a Comment