The prompt this time around is: Write about open adoption and being scared.
Where do I start? There was so much fear. So much.
I think the fear began before we even started trying to get pregnant. When would we get pregnant? How long would it take? How were we going to fit a child into our lives? Could we afford it? How would I juggle this with school?
And then the bomb dropped - we weren't going to get pregnant at all. So we called the adoption agency. And a whole new fear took over. Would we ever get to adopt? Would someone pick us? What if we didn't like them? What if we did? What if they changed their minds? How much notice would they give us? Would our families love a child that we adopted? Would we?
It seemed as soon as we came to terms with one fear, another would move in to take its place. Perhaps the biggest fear was when they handed our daughter to us. Neither Jon nor I had much (or any) experience taking care of children. And I'm pretty sure we spent the drive home thinking we had gotten in over our heads. What crazy people thought it was a good idea to give us a child? And no user manual?
Fortunately - 3 years later - our oldest is alive and doing well. Despite our best efforts, she is healthy and happy. She's a resilient little one. :)
Now our fears are different... how are the kids' birth parents doing? Does it upset them when Logan won't let them hold her and clings to me? Do they think we're doing a good job with them? Do they regret their decision? And then, of course, there are all the usual fears... can Lorelai survive without eating vegetables? Is Logan saying enough words? How many times can the kids pull the dog's tail before she snaps at them?
What I've learned is that despite all the fears, everything is fine. Most of the fears were unnecessary. Most were irrational. All but my biggest fear... that they will grow up too quickly.